4am Musings by a Photographer – A Personal Blog Post

kokomo indiana photographer

35 weeks as of yesterday. Shwoo this pregnancy has gone by fast. 

It’s early early early(way earlier than I would like) because pregnancy insomnia is a thing apparently. This isn’t anything new, so once again I accepted that I wasn’t going back to sleep at 3:30am this morning and decide to start today. We have a busy day ahead, with family in from out of town, and my son’s 6th birthday party tomorrow. Lots of party planning, cooking, and cleaning all lay ahead for the weekend. My mind couldn’t shut off, checking each little thing on my to-do list over and over again. So I resigned myself to the fact that I might as well get used to it(because life with a newborn won’t be any different). 

At first I thought I’d go to the grocery store, because there won’t be any crowds this early. I can get in and out in a matter of minutes, have breakfast cooked for our guests, and get a huge leap on the day. But then I decided to muse over my coffee by taking a peek at a recent session before heading out.

I open up my editing program(Lightroom for you photographers out there), and I came across the above photo. It’s not my usual style, but something about it stopped me. The memory attached to this photo left me smiling, then giggling, as I recalled what the memory was from. Maybe I’m just giggling because of sleep deprivation, but the hilarity in what I realized at the moment truly had me stuck. 

Simply put, this darling little girl wanted to pick some flowers for her portraits that day. She found this little bundle of white dainty lovelies, and slowly, delicately started to pick off each and every one, and admiring it. And in my minds eye, I remember thinking about how long it was taking her to pick the flowers. I remember thinking that we needed to move on to a new location, the sun was getting higher and brighter, and we had things to do! Didn’t she know that we had things to do? So many things to do. So many places to go. All the things. All the places. All the photos.

If this little girl were me, right now, I would have snapped off that entire strand of flowers at the base. 

I laughed because you see…lately, things have been all kinds of crazy around here. Jonathan(my husband) just started his new position as the head pastor for First Friends Meeting here in Kokomo. I’m in the throws of editing several weddings and sessions simultaneously that I’ve had this month, with still several more on the schedule for July. I’m officially a work from home, stay at home mom, since Jon now works from an office. And I’m SUPER pregnant, with an endless list of nesting to-dos on my plate before Baby arrives. 

And so I couldn’t help but laugh at this picture, and the memory that goes with it, because of how absurd and ridiculous it made me feel.

What am I doing? I have absolutely NOT been delicately picking my flowers. This season has been hectic, crazy, and absolutely overwhelming. And right now, all of the flowers that I’ve been picking have been labeled as tasks, and buddy, I’m snapping the whole twig. Heck I might even pull it up by it’s roots like any two year old would. Because I’ve been in the mind set that I don’t have time for this. In my haste of preparing for a Baby, and guests, and work, and family, and chores, and the creative mundane that is life, I’ve completely lost the joy in all the details.

And the details are my favorite. 

Details that I need to promise myself that I’ll remember. I promise to take a breath and smile at the mountain of dirty dishes on my counter, because it means there are hungry little people in our home. I promise to rest and be present in conversation with my family, instead of running through my mental check list. I promise to give in to my children as they beg me to play, instead of hurriedly pleasing them so I can move on to my next household chore. I promise to be intentional with my work, because I’m fortunate that I have work to do. And I promise to notice the little kicks and nudges present from the tiny human in my ribs, because I’m going to want to remember this. 

So forgive me for my haste friends. Every day is a gift, and it’s a gift that we are only given once. Pick flowers intentionally, and enjoy all the colors and floral goodness that come with them.

Now please excuse me, because I’m headed to the grocery store 😉