Is January 19th too late to be making a New Year’s post? Nah 😉 At least I hope not, because that’s exactly what I’m doing right now! Hopefully it’s not a blogging faux pas…
This year. Was. Incredible.
I can not believe it. It was wonderful. It was crazy. It was absolutely insane at times. And thanks to all of you, this is the most successful year that my little job has ever had, and I am so very very grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you thank you thank you from the very bottom of my heart. What I do would not be possible without YOU, and because of you I am looking towards the future brightly.
2015 brought about many tests, challenges, and changes. Both personally and professionally.
For the 1st year ever, I have been booked almost every single weekend with weddings. I stayed so busy that at one point I thought I wasn’t going to make it. Underneath striving to be a loving and supportive spouse, underneath attempting to parent two small children, underneath being a stay at home mother, running a photography business was HARD. Is hard.
This past year I vowed to take on every wedding thrown at me. No matter what it was, I was going to take it. In the past if something seemed slightly abrasive to my character or a bit too stretched outside of what I was willing to do, I just said no. But this year, I tried to hone in on my skills and discover what I really wanted out of all of this. I wanted to shoot dozens of weddings, to find exactly what this was all about. Could I do it? Did I want to do it? Is this truly a career that I want to keep and grow in to for the rest of my life? Is it worth sacrificing time with my family? Is it worth giving up weekends with my family, to be with clients who I had grown to know and love? With a career that I had grown to know and love?
I thought about that a lot over the last 12 months. And here’s what I’ve come up with.
Wedding photography is my absolute favorite. By far, it is everything that I know and love and I want to continue doing it. The personal touches, pretty details, sweet words, tear streaked faces, smiling lips, and overflowing joy. The love. Oh the love that is shown on a wedding day. Each wedding brings up a swell of feelings so deep in my heart, I often have brimming tears in my eyes. And I get to be there. I get to witness Love in one of it’s finest hours and I get to be the one to catch it in a bottle. A camera shaped bottle.
However. Wedding photography is not for me. At least, not right now.
Why? Because, motherhood. Yup. I’m a sap. It’s okay, you can say it. Jessica. Is. A. Sap. You guys, I have never seen myself as the teary eyed mom, waving goodbye to her 5 year old on their first day of kindergarten. I’ve had a vision of it. I expected it to show up one day. But I felt like that was way off in the distance and wasn’t something I really needed to consider yet. You know…like the “this donut tastes good right now and if I keep eating donuts I’m going to get fat but hey I’m not fat right now” kinda thing. Well let me tell you, not being at home and spending quality time with my little ones on the weekends was rough this past year. But not being at home on the weekends, while one of those littles ones has been in school all week? While they’ve been away from me all day, under someone else’s care? Sigh. I just can’t do it guys. I want to be home on the weekends and for the weekend to be classified as “the weekend” again. Where we all hang as a fam. Where we make pancakes for breakfast, drink coffee SLOWLY(so looking forward to that one), and watch Saturday morning cartoons together, happy to have nothing to do that day but to share in each other’s company.
So this year, I’m sad to say that I will be taking on only a handful of weddings. I love them. I want to do them ALL THE TIME. But my heart can’t do it anymore. So wedding photography, we need to take a break up. It’s not you, it’s totally me.
Despite this sad bit of new, I WILL be focusing on family, maternity, newborn, and lifestyle sessions in 2016 and I’m very much looking forward to it. There are a lot of big plans still ahead for this little job! If you’d like to see adorable faces behind the making of this big decision, feel free to scroll below 🙂 And if you need to find me, I’ll be snuggled up on the couch with my littles <3
These are my happily ever afters. Love you all.